The money conversation many families keep putting off

A couple in their early sixties came to see me after a family lunch had gone slightly off script. Their daughter, recently married and saving for her first home, had asked, half joking, whether they were going to be alright in retirement. Her brother laughed, the conversation moved on, and nobody said anything more about it. On the drive home, though, they realised that in more than thirty years of raising children, paying off a house and building up their super, they'd never once talked to their kids about money in any real way.

They're far from alone. In a survey of more than 880 West Australians published in May this year, 48% said they'd never had a meaningful conversation about estate planning, and only 18% had discussed their plans in any detail with family. At the same time, the amount at stake is growing. Australians are expected to pass on around $5.4 trillion over the next 25 years, and research by Money.com.au found that almost a quarter of Australians have asked, or are considering asking, for part of their inheritance early.

The reasons for avoiding the subject are understandable. Talking about what happens to your money can feel uncomfortably close to talking about your own death. Some parents worry that sharing too much will create expectations, or that anything they say might look like favouring one child over another. Many simply grew up in households where money was a private matter. There's often a less obvious reason as well. It's hard to reassure your children that you'll be fine when you haven't fully worked that out yourself. The couple at that lunch had a comfortable life, a paid-off home and healthy super balances, but they'd never put the pieces together into a clear picture of their retirement. Their daughter's question struck a nerve because they didn't have a confident answer to give.

What your children need to know

A good family conversation about money rarely needs to involve account balances. What adult children most need to know is what you want, and where to find things if they're ever called on to help. That means knowing whether you have a current Will and where it's kept, who holds your Enduring Power of Attorney, and who your adviser, accountant and solicitor are.

It also helps to explain, in broad terms, how you plan to fund your own retirement and any care you may need later. A simple statement such as "our first priority is making sure we're looked after, and whatever is left will come to you" sets expectations far more usefully than a dollar figure ever could. If you intend to help your children earlier, with a house deposit for example, it's worth being clear about that too, including any conditions you'd like attached. If you receive, or expect to receive, the Age Pension, bear in mind that anything you give away above $10,000 in a financial year, or $30,000 over five years, is still counted as your asset for five years, which can reduce your pension.

Some issues tend to surface only once someone has died or lost capacity, by which point they're much harder to fix, so they're worth raising now. Super doesn't automatically follow your Will. It's paid according to your fund's death benefit nomination, and if there's no valid binding nomination in place, the fund's trustee generally decides who receives it. Super left to adult children who aren't financially dependent on you can also be taxed, with the taxable portion generally taxed at up to 17% including the Medicare levy, or 15% if it's paid through your estate. That can often be planned for, but only if someone is looking at it while there's still time.

Unequal treatment is the other common flashpoint. There can be very good reasons for one child to receive more help than another, or for a Will to divide things unevenly, and explaining those reasons in person is far better than leaving a document to speak for you. As the ABC reported earlier this year, around three quarters of Will challenges that proceed to trial succeed in overriding the original Will, and that's a process no parent would want their children to go through.

Having the conversation on your own terms

The best time to raise money with your family is usually a calm one. A Christmas gathering or a birthday dinner brings everyone together, but it's rarely the setting for a thoughtful discussion. A relaxed weekend afternoon, or a planned catch-up, gives everyone room to ask questions.

It helps to start with your values and wishes rather than your numbers, and to accept that it doesn't need to happen in a single sitting. Many families find it works better as a series of shorter conversations over time. Some prefer to hold a family meeting with their adviser present, so that technical questions about super, tax or the Age Pension can be answered on the spot rather than left hanging.

The couple from that lunch did something similar. Before anything else, they sat down and worked out their own retirement picture. Then they invited their children over for dinner, explained what they'd put in place and why, and told them where everything could be found if it was ever needed. Their daughter's question got its answer, and it didn't involve a single balance. For years they'd assumed the kids would sort it all out when the time came. Now their children knew exactly what their parents wanted, and why.

References

ABC News, Lawyers expect will disputes to escalate with over $5 trillion to be bequeathed in coming decades, 28 May 2026.

Property Update (reporting Money.com.au research), 23% of Aussies turn to family wealth early to cope with rising living and housing costs, 1 April 2026.

Australian Taxation Office, Super death benefits.

SuperGuide, Super death benefits and tax explained.

Services Australia, How much you can gift.

MLC TechConnect, Gifting rules for social security, 16 October 2025.